I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
