he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
