i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
