masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
