CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
