Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
