She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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