I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
