i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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