I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
