i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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