Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
