The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
