Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
