The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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