If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
