Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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