Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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