Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize