Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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