9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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