I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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