I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
