Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
