just tell him i said nine months
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
