Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
false alarm. still invincible.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize