And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
