I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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