I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize