weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
