And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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