dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
