Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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