Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
