You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
