its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
a search helicopter?!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
