Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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