Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
