What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I intend to get homeless drunk
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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