his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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