Her vagina should come with caution tape.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
