I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
