i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
