watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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