im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
