i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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