Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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