what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
