It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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