I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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