apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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