I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
