Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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