So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
