I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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