I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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