Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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