i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
