Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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