I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
