I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
