Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
