my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
