Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
