heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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