U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
