she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
