even my farts smell like vagina
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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