Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
